Friday, January 25, 2008
I wasn't afraid to become a Sissy Slave, I just didn't know where to start. I felt that I needed a Mistress to help me to get started.
I wanted someone that would be dominant and forceful and who would make me do the things I wanted to do, but I wouldn't do by myself.
I loved the dressing in women's clothes and I loved the bondage and I wanted to be a real sissy slave, but it is hard to turn yourself into that, it requires someone else to command me to do it, force me to do what I really wanted.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I have been wearing women's clothes since I was 13, never really understood this desire, and spent years trying to deny it, burning all the clothes and promising to stop, but never did, the urge and desire to dress up in female clothes always returned.
When I was 30, I did stop, went for over 20 years with no dressing up, but thought about it constantly and was unhappy most of that time. Eventually I decided I must accept myself as I am and that means I must admit I love to wear women's clothes.
In 2004, I decided to share my life with Laura, to spend 50% of the time wearing women's clothes and enjoy my time as Laura. The other 50% of the time, I was a male, Dennis, an artist, making paintings, music and video from home, and this allowed me the freedom to be Laura when ever I desired. Some weeks I could be Laura full-time, and other days I had to go out and be the boy. I started to photograph myself as Laura. Eventually I built a website dedicated to my life as Laura. You can view this site by going to,
Then I met a woman, really nice lady and we connected in just about every way, but when I told her about the dressing up, she just didn't want to know about it. I really liked her and tried to have a normal relationship with her, but when it came to sex, I discovered that it just wasn't happening for me. I needed the women's clothes to excite me, and without the dressing up I was impotent. It did scare me at first, not being able to have "normal" sex, only being able to get an erection when dressed as a woman.
To be fair to my friend, she did make an attempt, and we both dressed up in women's lingerie, and tried to have sex, but she wasn't into the clothes, and I needed to dress up. We are still great friends, but she could never accept me dressing up in women's clothes.
That whole experience made me have a real good look at myself, a 53 yr old man who not only wants to dress in women's clothes, but can't get an erection without the clothes, it was a time to be totally honest about who and what I was.
I felt that if I could, then I would be Laura all the time, and as Laura I wanted to act out fantasies of Domination and Submission, so it wasn't just about wearing women's clothes, there was more to the truth about Laura.
I have looked deep inside myself and finally come to the truth, to what I really want for me.
This hasn't been easy, to face the truth, and has taken over three years, I am now 56, will be 57 in June of 2008, but I can't live with lies or bullshit, I don't want to be some old man that's bitter because he didn't go out and at least try to fulfill his dreams.
I know that trying to be Laura full time is maybe not going to happen, but that's what I want and will do everything possible to spend as much time as Laura, at present I am dressed up about 80% of the time and always looking to do more.
But it isn't just about the dressing in female clothes, I also accept I am submissive, I want to dress up and become a Slave, to be Dominated and turned into a Sissy Slave for my Dominant partner. I want to be a full-time Feminized Sissy Slave for life.